What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i love accidental penises.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
