Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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