I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
