Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
