i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
