Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
