the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
