is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
