hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
