Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
