bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
