i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
