you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
