dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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