got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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