Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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