before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We need a shit load of segways right now
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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