hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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