dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
