Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Randomize
