Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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