I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
