I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
