as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Couch. On fire.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
