home. puking in laundry basket.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
