Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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