be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
