I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
