Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
