What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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