Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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