Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
