sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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