and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
