Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
