it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
