SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
