I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
