Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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