Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
