My hand turned me down
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
