I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
