She is in my trunk
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
