The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
