remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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