Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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