Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
