How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
We had to coat check the pizza.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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