i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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