I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
