The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
