so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
